Being a single parent

Being a parent is often overwhelming, enriching and hugely challenging all at once – regardless of whether your family has one parent or more. But for single parents, all of this is augmented, because you’re on your own with the child. It can therefore be helpful to build up a network of other adults who can provide support and share the joy in daily life.

Families and social norms

The established picture of a mother, father and two or three children isn’t really consistent with how many people live today. But even if other family constellations are becoming increasingly accepted and common, many people still have in their heads that picture of a family as having two parents, whether they live together or are separated. But the term “family” doesn’t actually refer to the people in it or how many members it has; rather, a family is the framework for life, from where you derive a sense of security and care. In other words: a family is made up of the people in it and for a child, a family is important and valuable, no matter what it looks like.

Because the norm of the nuclear family is still so strong in our society, people will commonly assume that a child has one mother and one father. If you’re a single parent, or if you have some other family constellation, that assumption can be tiresome and hurtful. Many people like to have a description for their family in their back pocket if it comes up in conversation, something without a negative connotation. “Our family has two kids and one mum,” for example, can be a good way to let curious people know about your family without having to lose a sense of privacy. You aren’t obligated to report on your family circumstances or defend your choices just because your life looks different from the norm.

Involve other adults in your child’s life

Just because a child can get by with one parent doesn’t mean that as a parent, you have to handle everything yourself. On the contrary, not having another adult to relieve you from time to time isn’t just a practical challenge; it can also weigh heavily when you don’t have someone with whom you can share your questions and concerns. What should baby’s poo look like? Are they eating enough? And how much screentime is reasonable? Sure, the questions might change over time, but they never end. It can be quite mentally exhausting to feel like you need to give yourself good advice, or make all the decisions on your own. It can also be incredibly nice to regularly hear that you’re doing a great job – something that children might not always be great at telling you. So in addition to having a few extra arms and laps from friends and family, it’s also good to try to have one or more people who know your child, who can be a regular soundboard for you, and who can offer a pat on the back when the going gets tough. Having a close relationship with another adult is also positive for most kids, no matter how many parents they have. It’s a great way to learn from an early age that people live and do things differently in different families, which can be very enriching in childhood.

Do children with single mums or dads have a different kind of childhood?

Many people wonder about the answer to this question, and the answer of course is that first and foremost: no one’s childhood looks exactly like anyone else’s, no matter how many parents are present. On the surface, it might look like many families live identical lives, but that’s rarely the case – after all, people and relationships are different everywhere. But in general, kids who grow up with one adult often develop a very tight and close relationship with them. Two parents often form a team and together, they help with the children. It’s likelier for a single parent to form a team with their child or children, and the family hierarchy might be less clear. Everyone pitches in and shares responsibilities.

A unique experience

Having children as a single parent is a challenge unlike any other. But it can also foster a rare feeling of strength and competence! It can be easy to focus on the negatives when we talk about single parents, but don’t forget that raising a child on your own is a unique experience, and one that only single parents get to have. That experience can be an asset for both parents and children, something special and beautiful to carry with you throughout life.

Please note that all information above is based on Swedish recommendations.