Separation anxiety in babies

It may be a little unsettling if your baby reacts by crying when you leave the room, or if they suddenly don’t want to be held by anyone but you. You may start to wonder if your baby is insecure or if you’ve done something wrong as a parent – but rest assured that it’s not that, it’s your baby taking a step forward in their development. The emotional and cognitive maturing that occurs in babies after they have passed the six-month mark means that they are now more likely to understand that their parents can disappear. Of course, this can create anxiety and stress when it happens –⁠ even if you are just taking the opportunity to pee with the door closed.

Different sensitivities

For some children, the increased sensitivity to separation lasts for a short period of time, while other children continue to find separation from their parents difficult throughout their preschool years, or even later in life. We are simply different in this respect too. Many little ones have a particularly intense period of separation anxiety when they are around one year old. It is usually wise to be careful not to push your child too hard during this period. If your child suddenly becomes very clingy and seeks closeness, it’s not a bad habit they’ve picked up, it’s just that they need to be extra close and get some reassurance.

Difficult for both children and parents

If you have a child who is very much a mummy’s or daddy’s boy or girl and doesn’t want to be left alone for a second, it can be a bit stressful and sometimes difficult. Especially if it is mostly one parent that the child does not want to be separated from. In these situations, you can try to console yourself by reminding yourself that this is usually a phase and it will get better when the child is a little older.

Of course, as a parent, you have to be able to take a break even if your child gets upset and protests when you leave. It’s usually easier if you say goodbye clearly and then leave the house, because for most babies it’s harder if they know you’re close –⁠ but out of reach. Another thing that makes it much easier is if the person taking care of the child when the parent is away is someone the child knows and feels safe with.

To support your little one during periods when they are more sensitive to separation, there are a few things you can try:

• Talk to your baby even when you are out of sight, so they can hear that you are there.
• Try not to overreact to the child’s anxiety yourself, but instead give a calm and reassuring impression. You only went away for a moment –⁠ and, most importantly, you came back.
• Give your baby lots of hugs and love and provide extra reassurance when they are most anxious.
• Let your baby follow you wherever they want to go – you can pee in private when your baby is older. Pushing away an anxious or sad child tends to create even more fear, which makes the little one need you even more.
• Smile when your child moves away from you and welcome them when they come back. At this point, babies are often curious, but need to come back and feel that you are there before venturing off on a new adventure. Quite simply, let them know that you are nearby and that all is well.
• If you can, try to avoid too many separations. If you’re going through a sensitive period, it may be wise to postpone any babysitting and instead give your child as much closeness as you can manage.

What is separation anxiety?

Anxiety associated with being separated from parents is a developmental stage and it’s normal and healthy for babies and young children. But for children who are particularly sensitive, that anxiety can sometimes develop over time into a real fear of being separated from their parent. This fear can interfere with their lives in different ways and may prevent them from doing what they want to do, or from participating in different activities that they would like to be part of. When older children have a persistent and obstructive fear of separation from their parents, it is known as separation anxiety. If you feel that your child is being restricted in their life by their fear of being separated from you, remember that you can always talk to your child’s healthcare provider.

Please note that all information above is based on Swedish recommendations.