Settling into preschool

Four out of five children in Sweden start preschool when they are somewhere between one and three years old. Preschool is an important step, initially mostly to enable parents to return to work after parental leave, but later it is also important for the development of the child. It teaches them how to play in groups, how to interact with others and many other skills that are good to have in life. However, until the age of three or four, group play is not a favourite activity for children, they are simply too young to fully appreciate it. So if you want (and are able) to take more time off with your child, you shouldn’t feel guilty or think that you are hindering your child’s social development just because they don’t go to preschool and aren’t surrounded by other children on a daily basis.

Most children will start preschool at some point, and that means going through a period of settling in.

Preparing to start preschool

Even before you start settling your child in and the start of preschool, it is a good idea to start preparing your child. You can go and look at the preschool together. and look through the windows when it’s closed and tell your child about what is going to happen. Some preschools allow you to visit before you start settling in, but otherwise it’s fine to just talk about it and look at the building and the outdoor environment.

Even as a parent, you may need to do some preparation. If you can, allow plenty of time for settling in and your child’s first few weeks at the preschool. You can also prepare yourself for the fact that it will probably not be completely painless; most children react in one way or another to starting preschool. It might be that your nights get a little unsettled or that the child becomes extra interested in mummy or daddy for a while. Since a lot of new things will be happening to your little one –⁠ lots of emotions and experiences –⁠ you can expect him or her to be extra tired during the first few weeks and probably need more affection from you. After all, it is with your parent that you find security when everything is new.

Sometimes, for practical reasons, you have to let your child start preschool earlier than you feel ready to. It can be hard to go against your gut feeling, but try to find support from those around you and work closely with the preschool to make sure your child is okay. In fact, it’s also common for the start of preschool to come as a relief after a long period of parental leave, so you may feel a little guilty that it feels so good to leave your child. Don’t feel guilty about anything! It is perfectly natural for us humans to have several adults helping to look after the children, this is how we have always lived and there is nothing strange about wanting to share responsibility for a child with others.

How does the settling in period work?

Different preschools have different practices for settling in, so the best thing to do is to talk to the preschool your child will be attending and see how they usually go about it. Most importantly, the process of settling in is usually done with sensitivity to the child’s needs and signals, together with a good partnership between the parents and the preschool. As long as you trust and feel safe with the preschool staff, it will automatically be easier for your child to feel safe too. Good communication and having the courage to ask if something feels off form the foundation for a good partnership. This will be valuable even after your little one has settled in.

Leaving your baby for the first time

In purely practical terms, settling in usually means that the child spends time at the preschool with his or her parent to get to know the new environment and the people who will be their new extended source of comfort in the world. Then the parents may start leaving the child for short periods, and eventually for hours at a time. The rate of progress tends to vary from child to child and preschool to preschool.
If your child reacts strongly to being left at first, don’t be alarmed. Although children are very different –⁠ some wave goodbye happily and others cry heartbreakingly when their parents leave –⁠ it’s still a separation that the child needs to deal with. A reaction to you leaving doesn’t have to be bad – it means your child loves being with you! The staff will comfort and reassure your child so they can relax and feel happy again. It can be nice to hear afterwards that they have managed to make sure your child has had a good time and played. If you are very worried, for your own peace of mind, you can also ask if they can send you a message when your child has calmed down so you can put your worries to rest.
If your child does not calm down and feel happy while you are away, he or she may not be ready to be left, so it is a good idea to let the settling in phase continue for a while longer. Talk to the staff and come up with a plan together –⁠ they are used to all kinds of children and often have several ways to deal with different difficulties that might arise.

Keeping track of your child’s daily life

It’s a good idea to keep track of the preschool’s routines and learn the names of the teachers and –⁠ if you can –⁠ all the children. This makes it easier to talk to your child about their day. Staff often provide an insight into your child’s day, meals and nap times. Taking a moment at each pick-up to check in with staff can give you plenty to talk about with your child on the way home and in the evening. Preschool is a whole world for your child and everything that happened there is just as exciting as what has happened in yours. You might even be able to accompany your child for a day, which is usually very exciting and fun – for everyone.

Knowing what everyday life is like also makes it easier to understand different reactions, such as your little one being tired after a day out, or appearing worried if there is a lot of conflict between children at the moment. The departure of a favourite staff member, a large number of temporary staff or a shortage of staff in certain periods often has a negative effect. But if you understand that a child’s day at preschool is just as complex and varied as it is challenging, and just as stimulating and fun as it is for us adults at work –⁠ you will be able to provide good support for your child.

Soft toys and changes

Most preschools allow little children to bring a favourite soft toy or blanket for nap time. Others ask for pictures to put up –⁠ of family, pets, etc. –⁠ in the children’s cloakroom. It can give the child peace of mind to look at it during the day, so they can think about everything that’s still at home. You should expect to need several changes of clothes to be left at the preschool, and you will most likely be given a check-list during the settling in period of what to bring and what not to bring.

Emotional reactions

As mentioned above, most children find the first time they go to preschool quite difficult. They will need to form lots of new relationships and learn to be without their parents –⁠ all at the same time. They also have to familiarise themselves with a new environment and adapt to rules and routines that are both new and often quite demanding in a different way than in their everyday life at home. All of this means that young children are often tired and worn out by preschool and you should expect this in the early days.

Our top tip is to try to give your child plenty of affection and energy when you are at home. Keep your little one in your arms or on your lap and don’t skimp on the hugs. Don’t make too many demands right now. It’s nice to be looked after and to be allowed to be little when you spend all day trying to be good and big among people you don’t really know. Try to ignore bad moods and emotional outbursts and instead recognise that your little one’s battery is empty and needs recharging – with parental contact, care and love.

Sometimes your child is already tired when they are picked up; it is common for children to break down a little then, or on the way home, and not be able to ‘hold it together’ any more now that the parent is nearby as the great source of comfort. We know that this can be extremely frustrating for a parent who has also worked hard all day and just wants to go home and relax, but there is nothing you can do about it, so try to be understanding instead. It may be wise to remember to top up your child’s battery as soon as you meet. Being a bit babied for a while and being dressed and carried usually feels good, and it can also be a good idea to provide a small snack to keep them going all the way home.

A good preschool experience

After the first turbulent period of settling in and shortly following that, most children tend to start enjoying their new preschool life very much. According to research, attending preschool also appears to have a positive effect on children’s development. If they have safe adult contact at the preschool, they can relax and play and participate in everyday routines with pleasure and joy. Some days, of course, may still be difficult and the child may prefer to stay at home. There’s nothing strange about that, so see it as a sign that you’re doing well at home! If you as a parent have a confident feeling that your child is doing well at the preschool, it may be easier to deal with.

Sometimes, however, the preschool environment you have found may not be a good fit for your child and it may be a good idea to change preschools. When this happens, it is usually noticeable in your child and in your contact with the staff. If you feel that talking to the staff and person in charge is not helping, it is usually better to switch to another preschool that you trust than to stay in that preschool and worry about your child.

Please note that all information above is based on Swedish recommendations.