Using a babysitter for the first time

Although a lot of people have their own opinions, there is no set time or age when you can leave your baby with a babysitter. A lot of factors come into play: the child’s maturity and personality, their relationship with the babysitter and how much the parent(s) need a break. If you have a baby with colic, the need for a moment of quiet rest can be overwhelming, while for a baby who has separation issues it can be just the opposite –⁠ they need to be close to one of their parents. You simply have to try to meet everyone’s needs.

Of course, generally speaking, babies tend to prefer being with their parents, but the limit on how long they can manage without them varies. Try to be confident that you know your child best and what they (and you) are ready for, and don’t let others influence any babysitting you do. Some children may benefit from being babysat by a trusted person a few days a week from an early age, while others may benefit from being almost never left throughout their childhood. It’s all about what suits your child and your family.

Grandparents as babysitters

Becoming a grandparent can be one of the greatest experiences of your life, and the relationship between the new and older generations can bring a lot of happiness and joy to everyone. It is a blessing for both children and their grandparents if they have the chance to build a close relationship with each other.

Then again, not everyone is able to do so – often grandparents are still working when they have grandchildren and some live far away. This can make it more difficult to get help with babysitting and ensuring that they have a close relationship. But if you have the luxury of having the grandparents a little closer and more available, maybe they can babysit. Depending on how you all see it, and if the child is big enough and wants to –⁠ they can look after their grandchild for a whole day a week. Or pick them up from preschool or a childminder and then babysit at night. It is not only a safe break for the parents, a joy for the grandparents and the child, but also a way to strengthen their relationship. So if you know that everyone is willing, don’t hesitate to ask for help.

External babysitters

Sometimes there are no relatives or friends in your neighbourhood who can act as a babysitter, so paying for an external babysitter can be a solution if you are willing and able to do so. In this situation, it is important to remember that the child needs to get to know the person before being left with them for the first time, and that it is the same person who will be there and not a different one each time. As long as the child has a secure relationship with the babysitter, a professional babysitter can work just as well as a relative or friend.

Exchanging babysitting favours

Another way to organise babysitting is to have a ‘babysitting exchange family’. This means a family of friends you know and with whom you usually socialise, who could be the perfect babysitter for a few hours, even for a baby. Then you can return the favour by looking after their children when needed. For some, a fixed schedule can work well and allow for regular time alone for the parents, safe in the knowledge that their child is happy in the meantime.

Babysitting tips

Here are a few things to think about before your child has a sitter.

• Prepare the baby well in advance and repeat the preparation so that the baby has a chance to understand roughly what is going to happen. Preparing a baby may involve spending short periods of time with the babysitter while the parent takes a shower or takes out the rubbish, for example. For an older child, it can mean going over the fact that the babysitter is coming, saying goodbye yourself, talking about what the child will do with the babysitter while you are away and then coming back. Sometimes it can help to write a little story about what is going to happen.
• Make sure the babysitter is someone you and your child can trust. Children are very aware of how a parent feels and it is much easier to signal calmness to the child if you are absolutely sure that the babysitter will take good care of your child. There is no reason to leave your child with someone you don’t feel sure about, even if that person insists. You have the right to decide who takes care of your child!
• Some children may find it easier to be looked after in their own home, while others may find it much more enjoyable to be in someone else’s home –⁠ where everything is exciting and new. Get a feel for what you think your child prefers. If your child is going to someone else’s house, it usually helps to bring a few of their own toys and maybe their own pillow or something else reassuring from home.
• Shorter periods of babysitting are usually the best place to start. If your child doesn’t have time to miss his or her parents for too long, babysitting is more likely to be perceived as something positive rather than something negative. A couple of hours can be just right to start with! Time flies when parents are out and about, but for a young child, a day can seem like an eternity.
• Say a clear goodbye when you leave, don’t run out whilst your child isn’t looking.
• Be extra affectionate afterwards and be prepared for a reaction! The babysitter might say that everything went very well, but you may be greeted by a moody and angry baby when you come back. This is because it is only then that your child can relax and release all their emotions again. In these moments, it is important that parents have the time and energy to provide a lot of comfort and affection. If your child reacts very strongly after babysitting, it is probably a sign that it lasted a little too long for the child’s liking –⁠ you might need to take a step back and leave them for a shorter period next time.

Please note that all information above is based on Swedish recommendations.