How to be supportive through childbirth

Childbirth is fairly unpredictable, but one thing you can count on is that a baby will be born – and it’s going to be painful for the mother who gives birth. But even though you can’t plan exactly how it will go – or maybe because of that fact – it’s good to be knowledgeable and well-prepared for what you as a partner or friend in attendance can do to make it the most positive birth experience possible.

Be involved and informed

Being involved during the pregnancy and viewing it as a journey that you’re taking together is often linked to providing better support during the delivery itself. Being there and sharing responsibility is part of having a child. Before the delivery, there’s a lot you can do to be well prepared. It might be good to attend a Lamaze class, and make sure to read up on how you can help ease the pain. It’s actually true that active support from the person in attendance can help reduce the mother’s pain. Much of what you learn in a class, like breathing techniques and massage, can be practised together at home.

So it’s wise to be informed about the different phases of childbirth and different kinds of pain relief. Of course, you aren’t expected to know medical details, but it will probably help if you can keep up with the terminology, for example, what a mucus plug is and what it means to be 5 cm dilated. If your partner wants to write a birth plan, then do so together. That way, you will have a sense of her thoughts on pain relief and whether anything is particularly important to her.

If you are a little late to the game, the due date is approaching, and you’re getting a bit panicked, because you haven’t been particularly involved, then our best tip is to stay calm. Better late than never – and a calm, stable presence is important for helping the person giving birth to feel secure. So read on for tips on how to approach your role in the delivery room.

Be aware of practical tasks related to childbirth

Having a packed hospital bag, knowing the maternity ward phone number and the best route there – these are the kinds of things it’s nice to have a sense of before the big day. Apart from the obvious reasons – like not getting lost on your way in the midst of stress, and knowing where to park – it also feels good to focus on specifics, on the things you can actually control. Especially when so many other things might feel completely out of your control.

Active support during childbirth

The delivery could last from a few hours to more than a day, but usually it will be somewhere in between. How long it will take is impossible to know (unless it’s going to be a planned C-section, of course). But if it’s going to be a vaginal birth, then it’s important to be flexible and to understand that you won’t really know what’s going to happen. You’ll just have to follow the course of events and be prepared for the fact that you might not be sleeping for quite a few hours. It is important that you have the energy to last the entire way, so be sure to eat and drink regularly, but skip very fragrant food, which could make the person giving birth feel nauseous. The midwife will be fully responsible for the baby’s safe arrival, but you are needed to help your partner feel calm, confident, and of course, to share in the moment when the baby is born.

As a partner or companion, you might be asked to help with laughing gas, which means you will instruct the mother about when and how to breathe for the best pain relief. Of course, that isn’t something you have to know in advance; the medical staff will show you there. And you know your partner best, as well as what you’ve discussed before the delivery, so make sure to be her voice if she isn’t able to speak up. But don’t be surprised if what she wants changes during the process; it all simply depends on how she experiences the situation. What she says then and there is what goes.

Most important of all is that you provide emotional support, comfort and security. Your partner needs to know that you are there the entire time, both physically and mentally – even if you might also hear that she never wants to see you again, or that this is all your fault. Being pleasant, loving and empathetic isn’t generally something you have time to focus on while giving birth – on the contrary, all that pain can make you a rather aggressive.

Giving birth is an unbelievable amount of strain on the body; she might want to give up and just go home when the pain is at its worst. That will be a good time to remind her that soon, the two of you get to meet and hold your little one, and every contraction gets her one step closer to the goal. You can also choose a few affirmations to repeat calmly and steadily throughout labour. And don’t forget that at any time, you can ask the midwives or any other medical staff if you’re feeling at all confused or unsure about what to do. You are working together to provide the best support.

Be prepared for the period after childbirth

After the baby is born, a wild time with a new little family member begins. The first day or so will often be spent at the hospital, so that the baby can be checked out a little bit. When you get home and it’s time to start your new life, those earliest days and weeks may well involve a rollercoaster of emotions. It’s fairly common to feel low after childbirth, something known as the baby blues, which affects many mothers who have just given birth – but fathers and mothers who didn’t give birth might feel it, too. When you’ve gone through a long pregnancy and a taxing childbirth, it takes time to recover. Exactly how much time varies, but it’s often several months.

As a new parent, it’s common to feel vulnerable and uncertain – suddenly, there you are at home with a baby in your arms and a thousand questions. A new chapter of your life has begun. It’s no surprise that it will take some time to adapt to a new life and a new identity as the parent of a young child. Be kind to each other and remember that all parents are beginners when they have their first baby!

Please note that all information above is based on Swedish recommendations.