Playing together and playing alone

Sure, it can be fun for us adults to help build a sandcastle – or two. Or to play around with LEGO DUPLO, teddy bears, sand cakes and toy cars. At least for a while. However, as a parent, it is likely that you will grow tired of playing more quickly than your child, which is not particularly strange – the two of you have different interests. If you know that you will eventually start to feel restless while playing with your child, make a deal with yourself to take a break from your other activities so that you can play with your child for ten or twenty minutes, and try to be really present during that time – maintain eye contact with your child, turn off your mobile phone and commit your full attention to the play session. Of course, it is always easier to be a good playmate if you are doing something that you also enjoy. Perhaps it is possible to steer your child away from the toys and games that you, as a parent, find a bit tedious, and instead encourage your child to choose things that you also enjoy? You are not being selfish if you don’t always want to play with your child – on the contrary, this is completely natural and in no way unusual. Adults usually enjoy adult activities, while children like fun and games. Naturally these different interests collide quite often in everyday life.

Helping your child get started with play

If you have a little friend who would really like to have a playmate, it may often be sufficient just to help your child get started with a game or activity and then allow the child to learn how to continue playing on their own while you start doing something else. It may sometimes be difficult for a young child to come up with ideas for what to do, in which case you, as a parent, can support your child by providing inspiration in the form of different suggestions, and by getting out some toys or other things that may be needed.

You could also try “playing” next to each other. In other words, your child plays with some toys while you do what you want or need to. It may often suffice for the two of you to be close to each other, even though you are doing completely different things. Children usually appreciate being able to engage in small talk with their parents while they are playing, and it may therefore be a good idea to do something that doesn’t require your undivided attention while the two of you are “playing” next to each other. When children notice that they can quickly gain the attention of their parent when needed, it also becomes easier for them to relax while playing and fully enjoy the activity.

Letting your child help out with the daily chores

It can sometimes be easy to forget that young children often really enjoy helping out with household chores, and that doing chores together with your child can become a way of spending time together in a playful manner. Of course, you need to be realistic and understand that things won’t always go perfectly... So expect the occasional packet of milk to be knocked over while making pancakes, or a little washing powder to end up on the floor when it’s time to do the washing. Things might not proceed quite as efficiently as when you just do everything yourself – but this could be a price well worth paying for a happy child and some wonderful moments together. If children are allowed to help out with the daily chores when they are still very young, it becomes completely natural for them to do so and can often become an activity that is just as much fun to do together with their parent as playing with toys.

Let your child try their hand at a variety of tasks around the house... There is almost nothing more rewarding for a little tot than being given the responsibility of carrying a watering can from the tap to the flowers and actually managing it, or being asked to sort black and white socks into two separate piles and then having the opportunity to reflect proudly on the result. These types of positive feelings are good for the child’s self-confidence and self-esteem. During such chores, the two of you can also joke and muck around, make up little stories or just let your imaginations run wild. Tidying up in the living room while sharing a catchy song provides energy and a feeling of togetherness for both child and parent.

Why doesn’t my child ever want to play alone?

As usual when it comes to children, it must be remembered that they are all different, and some children find it difficult to play on their own. Compared to those who are a little more independent, such children may be perceived as being clingy and overly reliant on their parents. There are many potential factors that could contribute to such a situation – everything from the child’s personality to tiredness or periods during which the child has an extra need for parental contact. If it feels like you have a young child who just sticks to you like glue and is constantly nagging you to play, it may be a comfort to know that, with time, most children usually find interests to occupy them. The older children get, the more they have a need for alone time. It might seem almost impossible to believe at this moment, but soon enough it could instead be you who is nagging your child because you want to do more things together! Try not to stress out about your child’s apparent lack of independence – instead, focus on trying to listen to and satisfy the child’s needs while also helping the child to practice playing alone at an appropriate level. For some children, two minutes spent playing on their own could represent significant progress, so try to view it as such and avoid making too many comparisons with other children. We promise – the time will come when your child also wanders off to do something on their own!

Please note that all information above is based on Swedish recommendations.