Potty training and giving up nappies

Introducing the potty is not the same thing as needing to have a plan or schedule for when your child should stop wearing a nappy – most parents would surely agree that children and plans/schedules seldom go hand in hand! But it can still be a good idea to make the potty part of your daily routine at quite an early stage. For some children, the potty may go unused for a while, whereas for others, sitting on the potty may immediately become the next big thing in life. Regardless of how the introduction of the potty is received by your child, it doesn’t do any harm for it to be there. If your child seems interested, you can try introducing potty training into your daily routine. And if the activity is met with resistance, just take a break for a while and return to potty training when the time feels right.

When is the best time to stop using nappies?

The best time to start potty training varies from family to family – some don’t start until later, while others introduce potty training when the baby is only a few months old. It may be easier if you time the introduction of potty training so that it does not coincide with other major happenings in your child’s life, such as welcoming a new sibling to the family, or starting preschool. So try to plan your child’s potty training around such things if possible.

It is usually a good idea not to start too late, as for most children it takes a little time to get used to the potty, and giving up nappies is also a process that must be allowed to take the time it needs. Another advantage of starting a little earlier is that children around 1-2 years of age usually find it a little easier to accept new habits, and they like imitating what adults do, whereas anyone who has tried negotiating with a three-year-old knows just how strong-willed they can be! If you start potty training when your child is around 3-4 years old, you should bear in mind that this is a period characterised by a desire on the part of children to decide a lot of things for themselves, and you may therefore need to have a little extra patience and use a little extra creativity. It is also worth considering that the summer months are usually an easier time in general – it’s easier to walk around naked and/or pee outside, and it’s also easier to change a pee-soaked summer outfit than it is to wash a winter overall for the third time in a week.

Tips on how to make potty training easier

• See if you can find ways to make your child a little curious about trying the potty – perhaps you could put it in the living room and see if your child wants to try sitting on it with clothes on, or why not get an extra potty for your child’s favourite stuffed animal so that they can do their potty training together.
• Let your child walk around without a nappy for a while every day. You can then try gradually increasing the amount of time without a nappy if it seems to be working well.
• Does your child not want to be without a nappy? See if it is possible to entice the child with a pair of exciting underpants (it may be extra exciting if it is a pair that the child has been allowed to choose). Or perhaps the child would rather just be completely naked for a while, or would rather just wear a pair of nice soft sweatpants? Try to arrange the nappy-free time in the manner your child prefers or chooses.
• During these nappy-free periods, try not to make a fuss if you come across any “little surprises” on the floor. Your child needs the reassurance of knowing that a little pee or poop in the wrong place is not a big deal, even if you have to remember to bite your tongue sometimes! Another good tip could be to practise being without a nappy in a place where there are no expensive shoes (or even more expensive sofas!). Being made to feel ashamed about something that you can’t control would make anyone upset, regardless of age, and it could actually cause the whole nappy weaning process to take even longer. So instead of reprimanding the child, it’s much better to just respond neutrally, for example by saying “look, some pee just came out, you needed to go to the potty!”, and then quickly helping the child to the potty/toilet to see if there is any more.
• After a while, you can try introducing potty visits with a degree of regularity, for example by suggesting that the child should sit on the potty first thing in the morning, and also after meals (young children often need to poop soon after they have eaten something).
• Remember to praise your child even if the potty remains empty after a visit. Just sitting on the potty for a while, no matter how long, is still a huge step in the right direction. And if there is actually something in the potty, allowing your child to empty the contents into the toilet and flush the toilet is usually perceived as quite the reward, which can also be used as motivation for next time.
• After a while, it usually becomes easier to recognise your child’s signals – perhaps the child stops playing, or starts impatiently wandering back and forth – in which case you can (at least try to) arrive quickly and offer the potty as an option.
• It is usually not just adults who want to (but admittedly rarely get to) sit on the toilet in peace – our little ones may also need some peace and quiet while they are doing their business, so try closing the door and waiting on the other side, and see if your child thinks that this is okay.
• You may find that your child wants to ignore the potty completely and instead sit on the toilet like mummy and daddy (and any older siblings) do. If so, there are good toilet seat attachments available that are specially designed for little bottoms. Little boys can also try standing on a stool and peeing into the toilet – they may think it is exciting to do so!
• It is usually not necessary to use rewards as extra motivation to stop wearing nappies. However, if you feel that you’re simply not making any progress, you could try increasing your child’s interest in using the potty, for example by making a schedule and marking it with an “X” every time your child sits on the potty. Then, when you have crossed off the last square on the schedule, you can acknowledge the achievement with an exciting toy, a sticker, or something else that you and your child have decided together.

Don’t force your child to use the potty

The best approach is to let the child decide when and how often to use the potty. As a parent, it is up to you to introduce the potty and offer the option of going without a nappy for a while during the day, but how long it then takes until your child gives up nappies completely is something that varies from child to child. It is extremely important not to nag your child about using the potty, as this may cause your child to associate the potty or toilet visits with something negative. That said, it could be worth considering whether and how the potty can be made a more attractive option – perhaps you can try sitting on the potty while also reading a book or listening to a favourite song. But if nothing seems to work, simply take a step back and give your child a little more space and time. When children are given the opportunity to set their own boundaries – and when they feel that they are being listened to – it enhances their integrity and strengthens their sense of self-determination. In other words, it’s okay if your child chooses to pee in the potty one day and then wants to wear a nappy the next – we all have off-days from time to time, and there’s no need to view this as a backward step.

It is quite common for children to start peeing in a potty but continue pooping in a nappy. This is a completely natural step in their development, and as a parent you should therefore make sure the nappy is available as an option, for example after meals, or if the child requests it. Just because children have learned to recognise the signals, it is not certain that it will initially feel okay for them to actually do all their number ones and number twos without a nappy. Some children may need a little extra support and help from their parents to dare to take the next step – you can talk about any concerns the child may have, or if there is something that is making the child nervous. Putting too much pressure on an anxious child will not help them feel more secure; instead, they need support in understanding that there is nothing to worry about, and help in daring to take the next step, even if they feel nervous about it. If the child feels pressured, there is a risk that he or she will just hold everything in instead, which could lead to constipation.
If, as a parent, you feel that things are not progressing as you had hoped, try to remember that you and your child have already taken a big step towards your goal, and that the next step will come, sooner or later.

Not only is it important not to force a child to use the potty, it is of course just as important not to force a nappy on a child who is old enough to know that he or she doesn’t want to wear one.

Giving up night nappies

When your child is able to stay dry during the day – in other words, the child tells you when he or she needs to pee or poop – it is usually a good time to try sleeping a whole night without a nappy. However, it is up to you to choose the time that is right for your child, perhaps depending to some extent on how “full” his or her night nappy usually is in the morning. If the nappy is completely dry several mornings in a row, your child is probably more than ready to give it a try. Our best tip on giving up night nappies is to not let your child drink too much leading up to bedtime, and to make sure that he or she pees thoroughly before hopping into bed.

If you then find that you are having to get up every night to change the sheets, it may be sensible to rethink things and start using a night nappy again for a while. Being able to be nappy-free during the day is an excellent start, and it’s not very nice for your little one to have to wake up to wet sheets every night, not to mention the disruptive effect this can often have on the night’s sleep for the whole family. There is also no need to wake your child up to pee in the middle of the night, unless he or she asks you to. The ultimate aim is for your child to be able to sleep a whole night without visiting the toilet, and this may be more difficult to achieve if getting up to pee during the night has become a habit. But if, as a parent, you don’t mind getting your child up during the night to use the potty then naturally it is fine to do so during a transition period. The important thing is to find an approach that works well for you and your child.

If your child reaches the age of five or six and is still unable to stay dry at night, we usually start talking about bedwetting, in which case help is available via a children’s health clinic.

When your child forgets to go to the toilet

It is probably a good idea to prepare yourself for the likelihood that there will be a few wet pairs of pants to wash even after your child has stopped using nappies. It is common for young children to get so completely caught up in a fun game that they simply forget to go to the toilet and pee, and this is something that happens to many children for a good while after they have stopped using nappies. For some children, wetting themselves is a very difficult experience, and as adults it is up to us to try to play down what has happened. It is also good to bear in mind that, for quite a few years, kids usually need to be reminded to go to the toilet before bedtime or when you are about to leave the house.

Nappy-free at preschool

Things can vary quite a lot at different preschools in terms of the approach to assisting with children’s training to stop using nappies. It is therefore usually a good idea to discuss the matter with the staff at your child’s preschool, to find out about their routines and how they usually approach the issue of children who are in the process of trying to stop using nappies. If the preschool is unable to actively participate in your child’s training to become nappy-free, you can still train with your child at home after preschool, as well as on weekends and during the holidays. However, once children have succeeded in becoming nappy-free at home, they usually don’t like having to wear a nappy as a precaution when they are at preschool, in which case they shouldn’t have to.

When children find it difficult to give up nappies

Parents can sometimes end up in a protracted struggle with their child when it comes to giving up nappies. There are periods when everything can feel quite hopeless, and it feels as if you are not making any progress at all. At such times, it is often a good idea to try to take a step back and gain a little more perspective on the situation – perhaps the “battle of the nappy” has become unnecessarily emotionally charged and full of conflict? The relationship between children and their parents is always more important than getting a child to give up nappies at a certain age – in the long run, it really won’t matter whether the child was three or five when this happened. In time, more or less all children become nappy-free, so don’t let your efforts to give up nappies take over too much of your valuable daily life – there are far more enjoyable things to focus on together with your child!

Please note that all information above is based on Swedish recommendations.