Weaning your child off a dummy or thumb-sucking

When, how and why children stop using a dummy is something that varies greatly from child to child. Some children stop of their own accord; perhaps they are little chatterboxes with a lot to say – in which case a dummy mostly just gets in the way – or perhaps when they simply don’t need it as much any more. Some children stop suddenly, while for others it can take a little time.

When is it time for a child to stop using a dummy?

There is no “right” age at which all children should stop using a dummy. Rather, it has more to do with you, as a parent, perceiving that your child feels ready to stop, at which point you can start planning how to wean the child off the dummy. It is important to bear in mind that the dummy can often be a major source of security and comfort for your child, so you need to ensure that the weaning process occurs with respect and is allowed to take the time required.

Let your child be part of the planning process

It is wise to let your child be part of and have their say on the planning process when it is time for the child to stop using a dummy. It can often make a child feel a little more mature and capable when the child wants to stop using a dummy and is also allowed to help create a plan for how to do so. Therefore, instead of just suddenly cutting out the use of a dummy altogether, it is often a good idea to allow the process to occur gradually – to begin with it may suffice to stop using the dummy during the day and only give it to your child when it is time for a nap and at bedtime. Perhaps you and your child can do some extra fun things together during the transition period, so that the child has fewer thoughts about the dummy and missing the feel of it in his or her mouth. Even though your child’s dummy is “only” an object, it actually means much more than you might think. The dummy is something that provides your child with a sense of security and comfort on many occasions, and it is seldom easy to break such a habit.

A failed attempt doesn’t matter

If your child fails in the attempt to stop using a dummy and longs for the feel of it, you can just start again and set a future date as a new goal. Eventually you will succeed, and there is no need to hurry. It is good if children can stop using a dummy completely by the time they are three or four years old, or at least before they get their permanent teeth. But it is important to ensure that the process occurs with focus on the child’s well-being.

If you need to stop the weaning process for a while, it is extremely important not to place any blame on the child for failing in the attempt to stop using a dummy. As the parent, it is up to you to decide whether or not your child should have a dummy – do not place the responsibility for your decisions on your child! If you feel that it would be better for your child to continue using a dummy for a while, try to present your decision to the child in such a manner. For example, you could say: “Do you know what... I have been thinking, and I think it was a silly idea for you to stop using your dummy at the moment. You seem to really miss it, so I think it would actually be a good idea to keep using it for a while longer. We can try again during the summer instead!”

At the same time, it doesn’t always have to be the child’s decision if you genuinely feel that a change is the best thing in your situation. If, as a parent, you have truly made up your mind that it is time to put away the dummy for good, it is of course possible to carry out a firmer weaning process, although in such cases you need to be prepared for the fact that your child is likely to be upset and in need of extra comfort for a period of time. It is difficult and upsetting to be separated from something you love – and in such situations a child needs a lot of sympathy, comfort and understanding.

More difficult for children to stop sucking their thumb

It can be much more difficult for children to stop sucking their thumb, as the thumb is always there and available to the child, although the situation usually resolves itself over time. There are actually very few teenagers who still use a dummy or suck their thumb. So perhaps it is more a case of adults worrying that children won’t be able to stop when they see a child place their thumb in their mouth in situations where the tears are flowing or at bedtime.

Please note that all information above is based on Swedish recommendations.